the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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