"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
