is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
