This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
