just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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