My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize