And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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