Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
