Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
