And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Randomize
