I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
