You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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