come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We had sex on a dog bed..
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
