i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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