im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
