Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
