My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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