apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize