I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
