I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
