and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize