I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
