Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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