Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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