no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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