You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
