my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
ttyl tear gas
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
