what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I think i got beer on your cat.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize