did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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