i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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