they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
