absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
