I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
