he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize