I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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