so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
