38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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