They should really pass out barf bags in church
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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