Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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