And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
A bitchslap is in order.
is it fun? or sober?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
