literally had 100 drinks last night.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
