Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
