dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
