i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
