Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize