plz talk dirty to me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
