the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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