Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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