I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
