And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
