remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
