You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
