Just fell off a train. Bad.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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