return my video game
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
