Can Purell be used as lube?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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