yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
