I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
