She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
