Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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