I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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