Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
