The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
