It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
