Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
