i just google imaged poop.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
