Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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