goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
