so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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