I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
