Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
