I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
