I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
