he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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