just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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