I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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