I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
