Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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