the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You're like the curious george of whores
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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