apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
