I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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