do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
