dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
