I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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