I can text with my tongue
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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