Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
where am i from again
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
