you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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