"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
