Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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