i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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