just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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