Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
