what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish you could order shots online.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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