your room smells of hookers.
And success
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
